It’s a Squatter! Part 1

Feb 20, 2012

If you know me well, like my best friend Michelle does, you know that I have always had issues with squatting to pee in the woods. I’m from a small town in New Brunswick where there are camps, hunting, fishing, four wheeling, not to mention the adventure of potato picking at harvest time, so peeing in the woods is not a new thing for me.

I think my issue with it started when I was about 5 years old. My Grammy and Grampy Chapman were taking me for the day to my Great Grandmother’s farm. I told Grampy I needed to pee, so he pulled over and Grammy helped me. In the process of helping me, I somehow managed to pee all over her foot. EWWW! I’m sure I don’t actually remember the situation as much as I remember being told the story, but it is something that I will never forget!

Since then, I’ve always had issues going to the bathroom in the woods. Come on ladies, it isn’t a fun task at all and I know you are all uncomfortable just thinking about it. I worry about peeing on my pants, on my foot, falling over … I mean really … squatting to pee just isn’t something I ever want to do.

So far on our Peru adventure I’ve been pretty lucky. Most of the washrooms have been at hotels. I go before I leave the hotel and when I return … I thankfully haven’t been sick, so I haven’t needed to make many stops along the way.

My first experience with a true ‘squatter’ was in Luquina Chico. When we were at the community centre I wasn’t feeling very well and had to find a washroom. Monika and I ventured over to the two outhouses, looked at each other and in we went, separately. Well, here it is .. a ‘potty shaped’ hole in the ground and the smell of … well, I’m sure you know what it smells like. I looked at it … and looked at it …

There are two, foot-shaped cement spots where you are supposed to put your feet. I put my feet on ‘the spots’, pulled down my pants, squatted and held my pants away from me. Now what?

Um … hello? Please come out …. (I’m cracking up right now writing this) … Yes, I squatted and then had to talk my self through actually allowing pee to leave my body. Come on ladies … you’ve done it. Men – I hate you right now for being able to stand up and aim!

Ok, so the first little stream comes out, but I’ve missed the hole! Wait, stop, lean differently … start again … nope, still missing….

Pause, readjust feet to a spot other than where is marked, start again … yup, hit the pot, but I was pretty much done by this point.

Monika and I each left our outhouses, gave a quick high-five for our great achievement, got out our hand sanitizer and headed back to the community centre.

Was I ever glad that my homestay that night had a toilet with running water. Even better, it was right off our room, we didn’t have to go outside. It was pure luxury in comparison to the squatter at the community centre.

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